


My Raggedy Doctor

by Fandom_luver



Series: My Raggedy Doctor [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Comfort, Cute, Drama, Eleventh Doctor & Amy Pond Friendship, Eleventh Doctor Era, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Funny, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned River Song, Mentioned Rory Williams, Minor Eleventh Doctor/Amy Pond, POV Eleventh Doctor, Romance, Sad, Some Humor, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-21 05:55:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21069980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_luver/pseuds/Fandom_luver
Summary: This is an alternate universe where the Doctor changes the future.Happening during the Eleventh Doctor era with the Ponds. Timeline is not really specific but lets say it's happening somewhere around season 6. So there will be some spoilers.I tried to write this as realistic as I could, meaning I wanted the characters and plot to be as Doctor Who-ish as possible. I gave my best.Hope you'll enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

-Doctor?  
She was on the ground now. He knew. How couldn't he? Did he really leave her alone? Was it him just then?  
No...no, that couldn't be him. That was the other Doctor. The one who hated the Daleks. No, despised the Daleks. The one that despises them so much, that he forgets about everything else when he's around them. Dammit, they destroyed his planet. His race. His family.  
But now...they destroyed something now far more important to him.  
Amelia Pond. His little Amelia Pond. His little girl who waited. Well, she's not so little for a long time now, but she won't age any longer and it's because of him. He did it. It was his fault. All of his friends. They always die for him. He always destroys their lives.  
That's why he swore...He swore not to have a companion ever again! And yet...he broke his promise. And he didn't even know why...

There was something with this...Amelia Pond. Not just her fairy tale name. Although he really loved her name. But no...it was her. She was extraordinary. From the moment he met her, he knew, she was special. Hell, he fell from the sky just outside HER house. It wasn't a coincidence. The Doctor, of all people doesn't believe in coincidences. The universe is too small for coincidences. And then there was that crack in HER wall. Like she was destined to meet the Doctor so he can fix her crack.  
He fixed it alright! But that wasn't enough. He needed to know Amelia. He needed her as a friend and as a...no! Wait! Just as a friend. Nothing else.

It was doomed from the start anyway. She was a human girl, he was a Time Lord. It could never work. But then again...that never stopped him before. There was Rose, there was Martha, there was Donna. Yes...even Donna!  
But what really stopped him from being with Amelia Pond? It's not that she's human. River is human too. At least she has one human lifetime left.  
So no...it was something else... Something he will never forgive himself for.  
It was her waiting. She waited for him for 12 years! Everyone thought she was crazy, she didn't have a life! She was with a guy she didn't even love, and was making him dress as the Doctor when they were kids.  
In the end, after a lot of psychiatrists and other people telling her she was making things up in her head, she thought he really won't return ever again and maybe he was a dream after all.  
And after all that, when he finally returned, she forgave him! How could she? He never understood how... She really did love him.

The truth was...he was scared. Scared to ruin everything again. Like he did with this 12 years of waiting. He was scared he will destroy her life again. He does it to everyone right?  
With Rose, with Martha...it was different. Everything went kinda natural. But with Amelia...  
He managed to destroy her life after 5 minutes of knowing her. He couldn't hurt her like that again. He didn't want to. He already took 12 years of her life. Who does he think he is so he can take more out of her?  
Yes...that's why he was scared. It's easier if she just lets him go. Being with someone like Rory is safer. And less painful. And the last thing he wants for Amy is pain. So he told her Rory is better for her, that Rory will take care of her (like he never did, he thought grievously).  
Rory really was a great fellow. So he also didn't want to hurt him. He loved Rory too. And he knew Amelia was taken care of. That's why she didn't need him.

There was no need for him to ruin her life again. Her and Rory's life too. He loved both and he won't give them any more pain. That's why he better stays out of their lives. That's why sleeping with her the night before her wedding would have been a mistake.  
Oh, he will never forget that night. He will never forget that he almost let it happen. He won't forgive himself for kissing her back. And most importantly, he almost didn't push her away.  
Sometimes he thought what would have happend if he didn't. He wanted to...no!  
It's not important what he wants! It's important what she needs! Someone better than him, that's for sure. Someone who wouldn't only think about his desires and wishes.  
He almost didn't push her away that night and that was bad! He wasn't supposed to do that! It wasn't supposed to happen! How can't she see that he isn't worthy of her?  
She has to realize that! That's why he couldn't give her hope. Not anymore. Although...  
He must admit he had dreams too. Not the kind of dreams The Dream Lord gave them. No...  
These were dreams only he will know about. He won't share them with anyone. Partly because if Amy found out, she would have been heartbroken too. Like he is when he dreams it.  
He dreams that he never returned 12 years later. No, he returned after 5 minutes like he promised. And she waited for him. In her garden. Sitting on her suitcase. Her hands hands holding her face.  
He would take her inside the TARDIS. She would gasp. But she won't say those famous words: "It's bigger on the inside!" No. That's what the other people would say. Not Amelia. She would probably ask something like: "Is there a bathroom around here? Or you aliens don't need it?"  
And then...they would travel!  
He would take her to Egypt, to New York, to Ancient Rome, to the Moon! Wherever and whenever she wants. In his dreams, he wouldn't let her down like he really did.  
After a couple of trips, he would tell her it's time to go home. She would complain, but he would promise her that he will be coming back every once in a while to take her wherever his little Amy Pond wants.  
And he would not break that promise. He would be coming back year after year and she would grow. And if she still wanted, she could travel with him when she grows up and then maybe...just maybe...they could be...together. Forever.

But still...forever is possible just in his dreams. Real life is far more complicated. Especially for him.  
Her life should be beautiful and simple. And the words the Doctor and simple just don't go together. That's why it was impossible. Impossible for them to...  
-D-doctor? - she was bleeding! Amy is bleeding!  
A shot from a Dalek would kill you instantly. But it didn't kill her. Why? There can be only one solution. They didn't shoot her properly. It just scratched her. The smallest scratch ever.  
And who let that happen? He did! He completely forgot about her. No. It was worse. In the moment he saw the Daleks, he didn't care about her. He didn't care about anything. The hatred for them erased everything else from his brain. What a stupid blind fool he is. Now...he will pay... And he will never, ever forgive himself!  
-Amy! No! - he was running towards her. She was lying on her back shaking from head to toe.  
He kneeled beside her a grabbed her head in his hands.  
-No, no, no, Amelia, no, you can't die, you can't!  
-I told you not to call me that. - there was a slight smile on her face.  
He took out his sonic screwdriver and scanned all over her body. She really was dying. And he didn't know what to do. He put his hand on her cheek. And pressed his forehead to hers.  
-Oh, Amelia, my poor Amelia, how could I let that happen? How? - his voice was so quiet and weak she barely heard him.  
-It's not your fault. I wanted to help. It was me.  
-No! You're not guilty, it's my fault, it's always my fault...  
-Doctor! - her voice was getting more and more rasping. -Don't you dare blame yourself, you hear me? Don't you dare! All of this that happened to me is something I will always be thankful for. All this travelling with you, it was the best part of my life. So thank you, Doctor-  
-No! You're the one who I should be thanking. I was alone...and...then you showed up. With your crack in your wall. You were extraordinary. I never told you that but you are. You hear me Pond? You are one extraordinary girl! And I love you! - he kissed her forehead. Something he would do when he felt really attached to her. When he raised his head, he saw her looking at him. With the saddest expression on her face. She opened her mouth but couldn't say anything. After some time, she finally said with the weakest voice ever: -I...I...love you too. -  
He couldn't say a word. He couldn't and didn't want to. He wanted to stay like this forever. Amelia Pond in his arms at the end of the universe.

But it couldn't.

-I'm sorry. - he was crying. -I'm so, so sorry. I ruined your life. I didn't came back 5 minutes later, I came back 12 bloody years later!  
-It's okay...  
-No, it's not okay! It could all have been different! Your life, my life, everything! -  
He was angry. So bloody angry. At himself, at the whole bloody world!  
After everything he has done to Amy, the world is going to take her from him now. Before he even tried to redeem himself! This is not fair!  
-This is not fair! - he almost screamed.  
-No, it's not... - her hand was touching his face. His eyes, his nose, his cheeks. -Is this your most handsome face? I never saw your any other face. Am I that unlucky that I came across your most unhandsome one? -  
He smiled. Of course Amy Pond would want to make him laugh in these moments, of course she would.  
-Yes. I think this must be my most handsome one. -  
She smiled. It was more of a sad smile than a normal one. -Well, as long as you're not a girl... - she started to cough. And again and again.  
It was bad. It was really bad.  
-Tell Rory... - she started.  
-No! You will tell him! You will tell him yourself Amy!  
-Doctor, we both know how this is gonna end.  
-Yes, this is gonna end with you and Rory travelling with me like good old times! Right? -  
She smiled again. This time it was sincere.  
-Oh, Doctor... - she put her hand on his neck and tried to pull his head down. Then she was the one to kiss his forehead. -I will miss that. -  
Then she started crying. They cried together. Maybe it was hours, maybe months, maybe years. He didn't know. For a first time, a Time Lord couldn't tell a time. The only thing he knew was that he held her like his life depended on it. And it did.  
Her body was getting more and more shaky. He quickly put her head in his lap and started to stroke her hair.  
-You know... - he started with a shakiest voice ever. -I always wanted to be ginger. - he smiled.  
She smiled too. -Really? Why is that?  
-Don't know, but I always did. I always get kinda brownish hair...But I really want a ginger one. I think it's fantastic!  
-Well... - it was so hard for her to speak. -I hope someday you'll have it. Or I can borrow you mine so you can put it as a wig. But only if you ask nicely. -  
He laughted. He laughted out loud. Louder and louder. Then his laughter turned into screaming. He couldn't believe this was happening. He loved her and couldn't do anything for her. For what sake is a Time Lord if he can't change...the...  
-Amelia! - he yelled. -I know...I know how to help you!  
-You do? -she didn't seem excited at all. On the contrary, she looked more sleepy than ever.  
-I can...I can...change time. - he knew this was wrong. It is. But this is Amy. He can't just leave her like he once did. He just can't. Suddenly Amy seemed much more awake.  
-I can change time and I can...I can't ever meet you... - his voice was sad and happy at the same time. Happy that he can save her, and sad...because he...  
-No! No, no! Doctor, you can't!  
-I have to... - he was whispering.  
-But that would mean... - she was whispering too. -I will forget about you.  
-But you'll be alive.  
-No! I don't want that! - she was crying.  
-Amy, you will be alive and well and you'll have a family at last.  
-You are my family!  
-Amy, you were always better off without me.  
-It's not true! Doctor, it's not true! - she took his hand and squeezed it with all the strength she had in that moment. -I know you always thought that, but you are wrong! Maybe it's the first time ever, but Doctor...you are wrong! - she took his other hand. -You were the best thing that happend to me! Maybe you don't realize that, but you are! My Raggedy Doctor, you changed my life. In a best way possible!  
-And now I ended it.  
-No! How many times do I have to tell you? Don't blame yourself. You are the greatest person I've ever met! Don't you see? It was destiny for us to meet! You can't change destiny! Time can't be rewritten!  
-Oh yes it can Amelia...I'll prove it.  
-No! - she was crying like she never did her whole life. And he was too. -  
-Do you think it's easy for me Amy? To know that you will forget about me? Believe me it's not.  
-So don't do it! Please...  
-Amy, listen-  
-No, you listen to me now! You will promise me. You have to promise me you won't do it. You have to swear. In fish fingers and custard! -  
He didn't know what to say. He can't promise it. She was far to important to him. Whatever she says, he's still blaming himself for everything and always will. But Amy was dying. His little Amy Pond is going to die and he had to listen to her.  
She saw he didn't want to answer and removed her hands from his terrified.  
-I...I swear... - he took her hands.  
-In what?  
-Fish fingers...and...and custard. - he barely said it. His voice was absolutely gone. He was sobbing like crazy.  
-Good... - she brought his hands to her mouth and kissed them. And then closed her eyes like she wants to sleep.  
-No... - it can't happen! Not yet! He didn't say everything he wanted. But it was obvious there wasn't much time left. He kad to keep her awake.  
-Amy?  
-Yes? - her eyes were still closed. -  
-There's something I want to tell you. Something I never told any being ever. Except my own kind. But now, no one knows this.  
-You have a huge crush on me? - she smiled. She was still able to smile. That relaxed him a little. -Look...I never told you my real name... - she slowly opened her eyes. And was just staring at him. She obviously wasn't strong enough to speak. -And I want to tell you. - he lowered his head down to hers. And brought his lips to her ear. And he whispered. The name felt strange on his lips. He was scared to tell it to anyone but now he finally did. And it felt good.  
Amy just stared at him. The expression on her face was unreadable. He knew she couldn't speak so he lowered his head again and kissed her cheek. He smiled.  
-I'm happy I told you. - Amy was slowly closing her eyes again. Her body stopped shaking almost completely, and she stopped bleeding. Her head was dropping. She opened her mouth. And said with a voice that didn't sound like hers at all: -That's... - and then...she stopped. Her heart stopped. Time stopped. Everything stopped in that moment. That's how the Doctor felt. He started to shake her. Even though he knew it was for nothing. He hugged her.  
-No, no, no... - he was sobbing. -No, no, Amy, no... -  
Time passed like that. He was sobbing into her shoulder and smelling her beautiful ginger hair. Then he put her head down on his lap again, and looked at her.  
She was beautiful. Did he ever told her that? He couldn't remember...  
Then he remember that night again. When she kissed him...and he pushed her...He never really kissed her, he thought. There was never really a real oppportunity. No, he's lying. There was always an opportunity. Then he thought about something else. If this is the last chance...this really was the last chance...he could...just for a second...  
He lowered his head for the last time. He kissed her. He did it. He pressed his lips on hers. They were still soft and warm. He couldn't pull away. He started to cry again and the kiss muffled his sobs.  
Finally, he raised his head. Amy had such a peaceful expression. She looked angelic. It kinda...just for a second...looked like there was a slight little smile on her face. But he must've seen it wrong...  
Then he thought...he loved her. He loved her...and never got to tell her how he really feels. What a bloody coward he was. Amy was the hero, not him! She was brave, and passionate and funny and a beautiful, beautiful person. That's why the Doctor loved Amy Pond.  
-I'm sorry. -  
Then...he went to the TARDIS. He took the nightgown she wore on their first trip together, and returned to her. He slowly put it over her body. And then...touched her hair one last time. He stood. Turned around and ran towards the TARDIS. He's always running away...  
He didn't mean to turn around, but how couldn't he?  
He looked at her one more time and with one tear falling out of his eye he said: -Goodbye, Pond. -  
And then he closed the TARDIS door. He didn't bury her. Her body will disappear anyway...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

The crack! There it is!  
He took out his sonic screwdriver and like the first time, he fixed it. Prisoner Zero hasn't escaped yet. There were no voices on the other side of the crack.  
He returned a couple of months before their first meeting. So he could just close the crack. He just hoped her parents weren't swallowed yet.

Her room seemed weird. Without that crack.  
She wasn't there. That's for the best. He made sure no one was in the house when he entered.

He looked around the room. Of course, there was no Raggedy Doctor doll or something. No more Raggedy Doctor.  
He looked through the window. He remembers like it was yesterday. His TARDIS was crashed right there! By that tree! And she was standing right where he stands now when she saw it for the first time.  
"The days that never came..." He thought bitterly.

He walked across the room, and took the doorknob.  
He was starting to leave...right now...he's gonna push that door and leave her behind forever. That's right...c'mon Doctor...push...and leave!

Ah! He can't just go without leaving absolutely nothing about him in her life.

He saw a pen and a notebook on her desk. He took the pen and turned the first page on her notebook. Then he started to draw. Then he realized he wasn't really a good painter. Well...this version of him wasn't.  
If he remembers well, he used to be a great painter before, a couple of regenerations ago. He even helped Picasso with some ideas. But the famous painter took the credit anyway...

When he finished, he looked at his 'masterpiece'. Well...it wasn't really a masterpiece, but it did look like a child of seven drew it and that's good.  
He drew a TARDIS. A big one. In space. Million planets and stars around it. The TARDIS door were opened, and there stood a man in a suit and a bow tie, waving.

He closed the notebook and hoped he left it on the same spot.  
He took the doorknob and closed the door behind him.  
He was on the floor. In that hall with too many rooms as he once said.  
He was walking down the stairs and looked at the kitchen where they once ate...  
-Amy! - the voice came from the outside. -Your father and I are going to the market, you go prepare for bed, we'll be back shortly! -  
He heard the car start and leave. Her parents are there! They are alive! Despite the situation he was in, he had to smile. She will have parents to raise her. Her life will definitely be better.  
He heard footsteps from the outside getting closer and closer.  
"Oh, bloody hell! Now what?"  
He looked around the house not knowing where to go.  
He heard the door open and started running upstairs when suddenly he heard a sharp, familiar voice shout:  
-Hey! -  
He froze on the spot.  
-Who are you? - she asked.  
He turned around and at the bottom of the stairs she stood, looking at him. "Wow!" He thought he will never see her again. And there she is. Alive and well.  
Although she didn't look like his old Amy. Cause now, she was scared. Well, that was new. Amy Pond, looking at him, scared. He didn't want that...  
-Hello! - he said cheerfully. She didn't say a word. She looked confused. Oh, he was confused too. Ugh...she wasn't supposed to see him at all!  
-So... - he slowly started to go down the stairs.  
She immediately drew back. But didn't take her eyes off him.  
He was still walking and she kept going backwards and reached the doorstep.  
He walked cautiously towards her not knowing what to do. He was silent and she was silent. It was like they were having some kind of a weird staring contest.

She got outside the house and it looked like she was preparing to run away.  
-Uhm...so...yeah...the house seems safe enough! - he patted the house a few times with a nervous laughter.  
-Wh-who are you? - she asked timidly.  
-Oh, no, don't be scared, I'm just a...a...Doctor! Doctor...for...this house! Just checking if it's safe against thieves and...other...stuff... -  
She looked even more confused.  
-You know, I'm fixing stuff! In...houses. - he was trying really hard to reassure her that everything was alright. He was hoping it will work.  
She looked suspicious and after some time finally said:  
-There's a strange crack in my wall. It just appeared out of nowhere. Mum and dad tried to fix it, but they couldn't.  
-Oh, yeah, I took care of that! Don't you worry miss Am...I mean...what's your name?  
-Pond. Amelia.  
-Amelia Pond! - he walked towards her with jumps in his steps. When he stood in front of her, he put out his hand for a shake. -That's a lovely name! Like from a fairy tale! -  
She still looked at him like he just fell from the sky.  
-Your clothes is weird. Why are you wearing a bow tie?  
-Hey! Bow ties are cool! -he said as a matter of factly. Like he always does. -You should wear them sometime, believe me you'll feel cool. -  
She finally put her hand out and shook his. -You're weird.  
-I've been told that before. -  
She let go of his hand.  
-So what's your name then? -  
He looked thoughtful now. He just stared at her and she stared at him.  
-Are you some kind of thief? You don't want to tell me your name so I don't call the police? - she looked suspicious again.  
-Oh, no! As a matter of fact, police and I are good friends. Look! - he pointed behind her. She turned around and saw a blue police box. But it looked kind of...  
-Why does it look so old?  
-Well...  
-It looks like your clothes. All...raggedy. You're some kind of a raggedy man. A Raggedy...Doctor... -  
Suddenly, her face changed. She looked like she was remembering something and was trying to say it...no, to scream it! But then, she just blinked and her face was back to normal.  
-What's a police box doing here? In my garden?  
-Oh sorry I maybe parked it on the wrong spot.  
-Parked it?  
-Yeah, it's my vehicle. -  
She seemed partly amused and partly suspicious at the same time.  
-Are you messing with me?  
-No! Truly, it is my vehicle! Why is it so hard to believe? - he really couldn't understand.  
-My parents won't believe me, when I tell them this. About you, here. They'll say you're just a story I made up. -  
He smiled. And then kneeled so he was on the same eye level as her. He put his hand on her shoulder. -Then tell them we're all stories in the end. Some good stories, some bad stories. Everybody's lives are stories. You just have to make it a good one, eh? -  
Finally, she smiled. -Well, maybe my friend Rory will believe me.  
-I bet he will. - he stood up. -Well, I'm really, really glad I met you miss Pond! - he put his hand out to shake hers one more time.  
-It was very nice and weird meeting you Raggedy Man!  
-Don't forget what I told you about bow ties! -  
She laughed. It was an innocent children's laugh. He was glad he saw it one last time.  
-Well, off I go! There are a lot of other...houses...I have to check! - he was walking towards the TARDIS and opened the door. Then he turned around and waved.  
She was, of course, turned to him and waved back with a smile.  
Then he closed the door, but a second later, he opened them again.  
-Oh, and Amelia Pond! I bet you're going to have a wonderful life! - he said with a wide smile on his face. Then he closed the door again.  
She still stood there looking at that weird police box, and then remembered it was her time to go to bed for a while now, so she turned around and went towards the house. And as she took the doorknob in her hand, she remembered she had to ask him! And turned around again.  
-Wait, how do you even drive tha...? - he wasn't there. The police box was gone.  
-Doctor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The End - 
> 
> Or...is it?


End file.
